Dreams

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Dreams

When I think back to my 13-year-old self, I had DREAMS. The world was so full of possibility and I believed that whatever I could imagine, I could live. Sometime between my freshman year of high school and now, I lost that belief in my vision. The details don’t really matter, but as I traveled the road of my life the DREAMS became dreams and then they became memories and somewhere along the way my focus became just getting throughout my day. It wasn’t pretty.

I didn’t give up. I didn’t quit trying. It’s more like I just lost my 13-year-old self knowledge of who I was and what I wanted. I bogged myself down with what I thought others expected of me. I had in my mind the picture of the perfect daughter / wife / mother / employee and strove daily to be that instead of just being myself. I’ve spent years trying to put together the puzzle of my life with pieces that have no business even being in the puzzle and have been frustrated beyond belief that no matter how hard I worked I just couldn’t see the picture. The puzzle just wouldn’t come together.

“Sometimes the way back up is down.” -Jack Donaghy

So, I just let go. I decided to let the puzzle work itself out. This wasn’t really a conscious decision as much as it was just me being at a total and complete loss as to how to make my life work. I just decided to be open to the possibility that it could work itself out.

It’s not easy. I’m still not sure where I’ll end up. For someone who has been as hands on as I am with my life it feels uncomfortable. But I have let go.

This video from Oprah really inspires me. I’ve watched it a dozen times and will watch it at least a dozen more. I heard her tell this story on her show and am glad she took the time to tell it again.

Oprah Talks About Dreams

To be honest, I find myself caring less and less about the end goal and what other people think about me, and that’s been really o.k. I have things I have to do every day and I get them done, but I’m also leaving room in my day to focus on what excites me.

Two interesting things are happening. The first is that as I become more engaged and more excited about the projects I’m taking on pieces of the puzzle are just coming together and people and information and opportunities are just kind of showing up on my doorstep. The second thing I’m finding is that these new obsessions are directly linked to my childhood and have been areas of interest throughout my life. The things I’m falling into now are the exact same things that excited me at 10 at 12 at 16 at 28 at 42. The passion has always been there. I just wasn’t paying attention.

I don’t know how all this will work out and for the first time in my life that’s ok. I’m going to be obsessed with my obsessions. I’m going to work hard everyday. But most important I’m going to let go of my goals and expectations and just be in a space where what needs to happen can happen.

2 Comments

  1. I have been thinking a lot about my life and the frtuue. I know that there are so many unanswered questions I have so many missing pieces to my puzzle but I know that God is working in my life and putting my picture together! Beautiful post girl!

    • There are draems who come at night and go away at the first light of day and draems who stay with us and make us think about the possibility of turning them into reality.

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