Growing Pains

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Growing Pains

I don’t know what else to call it. I’m upping the ante, I’m raising the bar, and it hurts. It’s tough and making things all the worse is the Fear that is lurking in the shadows. As I move forward, I have no other choice then to be constantly diligent; standing guard to ward off any attempt at advancement.

Before, when Fear showed up, I’d watch hours of bad television or decide that a perfectly decorated room needed to be redone or eat copious amounts of junk food. I would endlessly worry about the starving children living in the garbage dumps or the stray dogs wandering the streets or the price of bread. I would talk myself out of my morning run and later convince myself that I had better things to do then stretch. I would turn down invitations and avoid social contact wrapping myself in a cocoon of despair.

So, this time I choose different. When my spirits sag, when I feel crippling overwhelm, when I want to retreat, I put on my big girl panties, look Fear square in the eye, and then, it’s on.

Now, when Fear shows up, I watch and read things that uplift me and give me faith. As I move through my house, I put blinders on and avoid starting any distracting, unnecessary projects. I toss a few veggies in the juicer. Every time worry creeps in, I deal with it or let it go. I run whether I want to or not, whether it’s raining or not, whether it’s hot or humid or cold. Even on the busiest day, I can squeeze in a sun salutation or two. Most importantly I continue to reach out to be with those I love and who love me.

I’m tired; bone tired, and I’m happier then I’ve ever been in my life.

Fear has a stronghold. It has planted a tiny seed in my mind that lies dormant waiting for me to water and fertilize it. Only then can it’s evil intentions run rampant through my mind. I can lay seige until it appears to die, but that only works for awhile. The first drop of water will send it shooting through my mind, again.

This time I have to rout it. This time it’s all out war. I can’t leave it there dormant waiting for a chance to grow. It has to go.

Fear has it’s bag of tricks and now I have mine. It’s on.

2 Comments

  1. Just discovered you on G+. I love your Fear-Less attitude. Thanks for sharing from your Truth.

  2. As you know, I am fighting my own personal battle with Fear. Someday, I hope to eradicate it from my life forever. Thank you for your example, your support and your encouragement. We WILL emerge victorious.

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