Moving Past Worst Case

Posted | 16 comments

Moving Past Worst Case

‎”Create happiness. Get dat ass to work, smile and breathe in every situation.” – Russell Simmons

“It’s probably a hormone thing.” – Denise Wade

I’m not sure if it’s the shorter days or the gray, cold weather. I’m not sure if it’s the mile long to-do list or having the man I love literally on the other side of the world. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I just keep nudging the bar, pushing myself harder or if like my friend, Denise, says it’s just my hormones. What I do know is that I’ve been in a bit of a funk.

Lately, I’m finding it difficult to feel excited about everything that’s happening. Mind you, I’m doing what I have to do and then some. It’s just that I’m struggling with the things that are most important to me. I’m not writing near as much as I want. I’m not reading the books I really want to finish. I’m not running or stretching as much as my body craves.  I’m not even close to working my side projects as hard as they deserve to be worked. I’m not praying or meditating or reflecting near enough.

The zest, the enthusiasm isn’t there. When the stuff I can’t ignore is complete and it comes time for me to do what I most want, for me to nurture me, I’m struggling. I’m tired and overwhelmed. I’m having a hard time getting myself jazzed for the stuff I should be most jazzed about.

I have some idea what the problem may be.

Part of the problem is the baby steps. I’ve been told my whole life that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I’m a yank-the-band-aid-off-and-get-on-with-it type of girl. So, even though I can look back and see the progress I’ve made in so many different areas, when I look forward and see how much further I have to go, it’s discouraging.

Part of the problem is I’m terrified that once I get what I’ve set my sites on, it won’t be all that or I’ll loose the opportunity. I’ve busted by tail many times before only to be let down when the prize was in hand. I’ve worked myself to the bone only to have fate take away what I was excited about. Can my heart can take another break?

So, instead of moving forward enthusiastically, I’m preparing myself for the other shoe dropping. Even though everything is going swimmingly, I’m setting myself up for the worst case scenario. I’m prepared even though worst case is nowhere in sight.

I know the solution is simple. I have to keep moving. I have to shine the light on every problem, issue, and concern that crosses my path. I have to keep loving myself and all the people in my life along the way. I have to continue to break down the barriers that I build to keep my heart safe and trust my heart can handle whatever happens bad or great. I have to believe that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be, doing exactly what I’m suppose to be doing at all times. I have to lean in, and I just have to love myself through it.

16 Comments

  1. Sometimes you can only see as far as the headlights will let you.

    • So, true and we have to be o.k. with that.

  2. Boy, you know I can relate to this one! I hope it IS a hormone thing, and that this funk of mine will pass when the hormones settle down. ‘Cause nothing else I’ve tried seems to work! Please move back so we can toast our mutual funk with some wine and brie cheese!

    • I’m kind of hoping a good night’s sleep is all I need. That and some Southern California sun would do me well. We’re working on it.

  3. Denise, your “yank the bandaid” analogy made me smile. I hear ya. Could be hormones or it could be you’re still getting used to the idea of baby steps. Since you’re a runner, maybe switching from baby steps to “pace” or “stride” might help?

  4. The funk settled upon me last week and I resisted it for days…then I just gave in to it. Decided that maybe I just needed to cry. Then once I’d decided to do that, a funny thing happened, I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Guess the funk just wanted to be recognized and heard. Hope you’re out of it and moving again soon Denise!

    • People underestimate the power of a good cry, Christie. I agree, sometimes we just need to feel what we’re feeling before we can move on. Hope we’re both back at is soon.

  5. I like what Kimby said about changing baby steps to pace or stride. I’v been down, too, on and off. I think it ebbs and flows. I’d also switch around thinking the other shoe will drop because then that’s how you are preparing yourself sub-consciously. I hope you feel better!

    • That other shoe thinking has to go. It’s hard to embrace the good when your waiting for the bad. Trying to live in the moment and trusting I can handle what comes, but it’s hard to break forty years of conditioning. Sending love and hoping you stay in the flow.

  6. I, personally, have been struggling with the lack of sunshine and the cold. Sometimes just acknowledging those things you believe to be the cause of the lack of enthusiasm and then doing something to make it better is all it takes to get back on the happy track. (Like the good night’s sleep or the brie and wine!) Other times, it’ll just take some time to get through this phase. I can’t wait for the warm and the sun to be back in my life! In the meantime, I think I’ll turn up the heat and light a candle!

    • Good advice and I’ll be counting the days to sunshine along side of you.

  7. I love this post because it really does show that humanity in all of us–how we’d all love to be super heroes all of the time, but much of the time, our soul requires gentleness and ease…we need so much more nurturing than we ever give ourselves, but i find that the more I pay attention to my body–sleep when it wants to, don’t try and force myself–I STILL move ahead, just not in my normal, former-Type-A way. Thanks for showing that you don’t have to show up 100% of every moment to still be a go-getter :o)

  8. Thank you for sharing this. It is comforting to know that I am not the only person who has these moments in life. You have an amazing ability to write and am glad you share that with others! (I was with Joe in China and saw this on my FB through his posting)

  9. Love the honesty of your posts. I was in a similar place a few months ago. It is so important to honor where you are in a particular time. Celebrate the baby steps. But sometimes stillness is what you need.

  10. Hormones? Maybe. Winter? Perhaps. The planets’ alignment? Very possible. I know the place you speak of and for me, it’s the body (and psyche) calling for respite. Sometimes it’s sleep. Sometimes it a beautiful piece of literature. Sometimes it’s a comforting meal. Sometimes it’s spaciousness. Often, ALL of the above. And it passes. And to borrow a quote from a Zen Buddhism practice, “Each day, make positive effort toward the good.”

    I believe you’re doing just that. Keep writing. . .

  11. So nice to be here, Denise… drinking from your fount. Living with your words dancing in and through me.

    I love how the Ancients honored these cycles. Every state that came and would not leave was in their mind a god. Saturn rules winter, and also melancholy, a sacred state of being honored by poets and artists alike. Rather than fight the state or attempt to change it with a happy thought… they would go to a cloister in a garden or particular room with its statues to Saturn, its shadowed light, blue flowers, running water…. to serve to induce even more this ‘visitation of Saturn’. To attempt to get closer and closer, so as to receive the fullness of the sacred message. For the artists, it was to in essence become the vehicle for the god… to give voice to the deep wisdom that melancholy does indeed have held within its heart.

    Methinks it is even MORE of a vital essence for us now, Denise… when productivity and effectiveness rules and is honored as King! All hail Apollo! We neeeeeeeeeeed to be pulled down and in. To be quiet and ‘dead’ like winter for a time. To honor this place as we do spring. And in time… in time…. if we are fortunate, the deep self will release its sacred secrets, its exquisite song for you to scribe.

    I am just now feeling the early stirrings of spring. And, this winter was deeper than most. I truly felt ‘dead’ inside. And for the first time, I trusted that place… knowing all that i had served over the last year. I was rightfully dead! And… the wisdom and the song that arose out of the deep is exquisite! I am grateful. I bow to the dead of winter in me.

    much love…

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