Now…

Posted | 6 comments

Now…

I’ve been waiting for now for a very long time. And now is here and I’m thrilled with the excitement and possibilities. So, many changes with so many more to come. For the first time, I feel calm and centered in the middle of the storm.

“Sometimes the way back up is down.” – Jack Doneghy

I climbed down into the crevasse. I wallowed in the darkness and shined my light in the darkest corners. Every time I was terrified, I stepped forward. Every time I was challenged, I accepted the call. Every time I was lost and confused, I regrouped and kept moving sometimes forward, often backwards, and finally (on the best days) sideways.

I let go of my goals, my ambitions, and my desires. I let go of my pre-conceived notions of how things are suppose to work, look, and be.  I realized that I have no control except in how I choose to think, act, and feel moment to moment. I let go of being well-rounded and leaned into passion.

I have no idea what will happen. I have no inkling of my fate. I will do the only thing I can do. I will do the thing that is right in front of me that most needs to be done. I will relish in it and find joy in it and do whatever it is to the best of my ability. Then I’ll let it go.  I accept that the God / the Universe has a bigger dream for me then I can dream for myself. I turn my self over to the fate chosen for me.

I will make new friends, learn new skills, and have new experiences. I will work hard and learn much as I embark on the projects I’m charged to complete. Every thing will be reconfigured and anything not needed, not necessary, not vital will be let go. I will hold with love the things that add happiness and value and love and bless them.

“You have to love the hell that your in, before you can leave.” – Danielle LaPorte

So, I bless the crevasse. I thank the darkness. I give love to the fear. While I prefer that my teachers to be pretty and soft and smell like lavender, I realize and accept that sometimes the best lessons come from the teachers who lie and are corrupt. The ones who cheat, bully, and steal. I bless them both equally.

But the most important thing I do is I forgive myself. I forgive myself for being slow to learn. I forgive myself for being frightened and scared and uncertain. I forgive myself for not listening, not following, not always doing what I was tasked to do. But mostly, I forgive myself for actually ever believing that I was in control.

6 Comments

  1. This makes me smile! 😉 Forgiving yourself is a great way to move forward! 😀

    • Forgiveness and letting go to my attachment to results.

  2. You rock. That is all.

  3. Only because of the wonderful people who surround me.

  4. Way to go! You’re an inspiration.

  5. Stunning.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *