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On Tuesday, an opportunity fell in my lap. It was a long shot, but I decided to make a run for it. On Wednesday, I did the research, gathered the data, and made some phone calls. In less than 3 hours, I had a 4 page proposal ready to go complete with an agenda, a back up plan, and the key money in place. I am an organizer to my core. I’m a “i” dotter and a “t” crosser. I’m all about the details and making it work. It’s like breathing to me.

I’ve done what I did yesterday, time and time again. For both paid employers and volunteer, I’ve been able to go in and put together a workable plan. Organizing and pulling things together, has always been easy for me. So, easy that I really take it for granted. But yesterday, as I stepped through the process I know so well, I began to wonder how I can be so good at organizing things for others, yet be SO bad at doing the same for myself.

I can negotiate a contract for an employer and get a great deal, but I buckle when negotiating for myself and family. I can look a vendor who’s trying to take advantage of the organization I represent square in the eye and say without flinching, “absolutely not,” yet I all but fall apart when I have to stand up for myself or a member of my family. And while I’ve written plans like the one I wrote yesterday time and time again for others to get from point A to point B, I struggle daily with the personal basics.

The opportunity didn’t work out. Schedules were tight to start and couldn’t be remedied to make the project doable. I’m sad. It would have been a lot of fun. I’m also a little glad. It would have taken a lot of time and energy, and it would have pulled my focus. Focus that doesn’t need pulling.

As I mourned the lost opportunity I had to wonder, what if I took on myself as an opportunity? Instead of relegating my dreams and my needs to the back burner, what if I took myself as seriously as I take others and their needs and dreams? Instead of haphazardly wading through mountains of overwhelm daily, what if I put on my organizer blinders and made a proposal for my own life? A real plan with “i’s” crossed and “t’s” dotted. I plan that would get me from point A to point B.

It’s something to think about.

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  1. Taking the first step is oftentimes scary. I know for me, the thought of designing my own business card {which I still haven’t done} is an overwhelming prospect, yet I can do that all day long for other people. I think for me, it’s the fear of being judged, that what I’m doing reflects on ME, not necessarily on someone else.
    Step out there. There is freedom in failure {but there again, that’s great advice I give for other people, for me it’s stand paralyzed and wait for the urge to step out leaves me}.

  2. Part of it, for me, is the whole fear of failure / fear of success. Damned if I do or if I don’t. Whether I succeed or not, it’s all on me and I can’t share accolades or blame with a team (or hide behind them). I’m just as uncomfortable with kudos as complaints. Baby steps…a post on fb, a tweet, a blog post…allows me to test the waters and move through the compliments and criticism. I just have to keep raising the bar as I go.

  3. What wonderful insight about yourself. I hate that I act that about certain things in my life too. Good luck in working on yourself instead of for others. It’s not an easy route, but well worth it!

  4. Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and i am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work!

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