Still Saying No to New Year’s Resolutions

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Still Saying No to New Year’s Resolutions

There’s been a lot of talk lately about New Year’s resolutions. I don’t make them. For a couple of years when I was a teen, I made lists on January 1st that I was resolute on keeping. I quickly realized how easy it was to deviate from my lofty resolutions. Then I would feel really crappy about myself (something that comes easy) and carry the self-loathing throughout the year. Year in and year out, while others plot and plan, I just ring in the New Year and move on with my life.

This year I did a year end evaluation for the first time ever http://www.deniseellisstewart.com/archives/1.  Looking back over an entire year of accomplishments and failures, I had a difficult time sussing out just what I had done. I realized I was BUSY all the time. I volunteered and took care of my family and home and read and spent time with friends and worked among many other things. At the end of the day, I guess I should be happy that I was able to be there for others and was able to take care of what needed to be done. While all these things were important and appreciated by some, none of it makes me feel very accomplished.

In August, I decided to give myself time to think about how I REALLY want to spend my time. As disgustingly self-indulgent as I deem the task, I came to the realization that if I don’t start doing things that are important and meaningful to me, I was going to die disappointed. I’ve attempted to answer several questions. What was I put here to do? What are my passions and dreams? What makes me feel like I’m really contributing to the world in a meaningful way? Not an easy task. Especially for a girl like me who has run from my truth for more years than I care to count.

Do I have the answers? No. But I do know this. I have to be nice to myself and take care of myself. I have to try new things no matter how scary and even if every single person in the world thinks I’m totally insane. I have to evaluate my accomplishments and failures on an ongoing (in my case weekly) basis and make adjustments.

So this year I will have personal, professional, and family focuses. Right now, my personal focus is on making healthier dietary choices, running, and spending time with people who are fun to be around. My professional focus is on researching several projects I have in the works and becoming more adept using technology. My family focus is on supporting my children and husband and getting the paperwork in order for the tax man. At the end of the week, I will sit down and ask myself what went well and what didn’t go so great. I will note what I actually did and decide if my focus is where it needs to be. I can adjust as needed.

Will this work? I have no idea. But what I do know is that drifting through life putting out other people’s fires is no longer an option. I have to focus.

1 Comment

  1. I also quit a while back with resolutions. My basic thing is on Duane Allman’s grave, an excerpt from something he wrote – its a full time job – there’s lots of tiny details that come under all of it – sorting all of that out is the work part!!!

    “I love being alive and I will be the best man I possibly can. I will take love wherever I find it, and offer it to everyone who will take it … seek knowledge from those wiser … and teach those who wish to learn from me.”

    I am so with you on the fun people part and the stomping out of other’s fires!!! RR

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