When Resistance Isn’t Resistance

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When Resistance Isn’t Resistance

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller

I was working for the vacation. I had a long list of things that had to be crossed off before I could pile into the car with my family and head out for a week of rest and relaxation. While not everything got done, enough did so that I was able to enjoy our time away. I left the computer at home. I ignored my phone. It was nice to unplug.

As our week away came to a close, I started thinking about all the things I needed to do on my return. I have several projects in progress and several more that need to be started. I decided I would hit it hard on Monday and just toss myself into the deep end, no excuses. So, that’s what I did.

Every minute of both Monday and Tuesday were an absolute struggle. My body, my brain, and my spirit resisted at every turn. I was fatigued, sore, and out of sorts. I couldn’t concentrate. I was frustrated beyond belief. Seriously, I have things to do. I don’t have time for drama, self-inflicted or not.

So yesterday, when the alarm went off, I said, “no.” When I finally rolled out of bed an hour later, it was with reluctance. I laced up my running shoes and in bold defiance walked the entire distance. Upon my return, I pushed my to do list aside and curled up with my computer. Resistance was all over me and I was succumbing to it’s evil ways or so I thought.

You see, I have this issue that I’ve been trying to figure out for years. It’s a complicated situation with no easy answers. Friends have patiently allowed me to talk it through. My spouse has listened to me as a wrestle its points. Even though I’ve made progress, I haven’t been able to get closure.

Last week as I sat in the surf allowing the luke warm waters of the Atlantic to wash over me, this issue popped into my mind again. I was on vacation and this was the last thing I wanted to think about. In irritation, in anger, and just like a two-year-old in the middle of a tantrum, I began to pray. Or rather, in the most bratty fashion imaginable I said, “God, I’m sick of dealing with this. I don’t care how You do it, I don’t care where You do it, but You need to teach me the lesson in this one so I can move on with my life.” I continued on in this horribly insolent manner until my mind was able to let the issue go, and I was able to shift my focus back to salt water and my suntanned kids hurling themselves into the waves.

So yesterday, as I curled up with my laptop intent on avoiding all meaningful work, I decided to search the interweb for an interview I wanted to watch. I’m not naming names but the interviewees fall into that lot of people scorned by many for being famous for nothing more then being famous. Their antics frequently play out in the tabloids and they generate income for doing not much more then smiling.  I didn’t care. I was intent on wasting my day and this was an excellent way.

The joke; however, was on me. As I listened to various people in this group share their stories, I was hit with epiphany after epiphany. It was like someone turned a knob in my brain and things that have been fuzzy were suddenly in laser sharp focus. Then the interviewer made a comment that struck a chord deep within me. I jotted it down and when the interview was over tossed it into Google for a quick search.

The first two links led to nothing. Guilt about all the things not getting done began to creep up on me. I started to turn my attention to tasks at hand, but at the last second hit the third link. As I read the headline, my heart leapt out of my chest. I quickly devoured the words on the screen. I’m sure my mouth was hanging open in shock. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I hit link after link and with each article read, my understanding of what I have gone through and why I had to go through it started to become crystal clear. For the first time ever, I felt a sense of true peace with this issue. I also realized I was sitting with not one, but with a whole cadre of answered prayers.

So yesterday, resistance wasn’t resistance, it was redirection. If I had trudged forward, blinders in place, intent on muscling through my day, I would have gotten a lot done, for sure. I also would have completely lost the opportunity of having God / the Universe / my Higher Power answer many prayers including the one to which I so impudently demanded answers. I’m glad I allowed myself to be redirected. Today, I’m hitting the list.

7 Comments

  1. The quote is perfect, Joe. The blog is inspiring, but I’m still waiting for my epiphany. Happy for you that yours are coming!

  2. Don’t you just LOVE IT when God meets us right where we are with the perfect answer right when we need it? You are blessed and God Loves You! 😉

  3. I am so glad you resistance has morphed into redirection. What’s that line? When the student is ready, the teacher will show up? Perhaps you’ll share those links with us some day?

    • How uncanny! That phrase, “when the student is ready…” has been on auto loop in my head for the past three weeks. It’s so true.

  4. Denise, first of all, I’m smiling over the Ferris Bueller quote you selected. Sometimes I think writers overlook the gems scattered in seemingly lighthearted entertainment. There are some prolific thoughts out there and you’ve uncovered one of them.

    As for your post… yes, Ma’am! Viewing resistance as “redirection” totally altered my course today. Thank you for that.

    • Kimby, I had a nice dignified quote selected; however, when I read it to my husband, he suggested the Ferris Bueller quote. Have to give credit where it’s due…he’s the one with the quirky sense of humor.

  5. And sometimes what appears to be Resistance is an overwhelming need to fill the creative well…

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